In some ways, Mary Apper was an ordinary PBR fan. In others, she was absolutely extraordinary.
How many fans have a bull named after them?
How many have PBR fan clubs rallying around them during illness?
How many become legendary to a legion now declaring in broken-hearted sincerity that, even though they’d never physically met, Mary was like a long-lost sister, a kindred spirit who will continue to inspire them long after she’s gone?
And now Mary Apper – treasured daughter and sister, lover of animals, decorated Navy veteran, PBR superfan, and stone-faced warrior to the very end – is gone.
She passed away at 39 on Thursday morning just before sunrise in her condominium in Fresno, California, surrounded by her mother, father, two sisters, and partner Becky following a valiant three-and-a-half year battle with cancer.
“Mary will always, and in all ways, continue to be God’s loving light in our lives,” Liza wrote in a CaringBridge forum that had shared Mary’s journey in hospice. “She will be shining from a different vantage point, but I know she will be with us.”
Hundreds of PBR fans had followed Mary’s final days through the online journal.
“We are not related by blood, but the love I have for Mary makes her my sister by blood,” said Rick Storm of Beaverton, Oregon, who had met Mary through a PBR fan group and spent time with her at a horse ranch in Northern California.
“Mary inspired me and so many others,” Storm said. “Just knowing her made me a better man. She had more cowboy in her little toe than I ever had in my entire body. She is the definition of ‘Be Cowboy.’”
Mary’s fight had inspired PBR fans to create BUCK CANCER signs, posted by fans, riders and even PBR Commissioner Sean Gleason to raise awareness of the second-leading cause of death in the U.S.
“Cancer is an everyday thing,” Mary said in a video thanking fans for supporting the Buck Cancer campaign. “There are ups and downs, highs and lows, good days and bad days. It is an everyday battle – not all of them bad, not all of them good. I want to thank everyone; I love the work you’re doing to get the word out.”
Mary loved get-togethers, backyard swimming, family game nights, puzzle building, coffee chit-chats, and law enforcement television shows like Blue Bloods, Third Watch, Chicago PD and Criminal Minds, according to her mother, Liza.
She was especially drawn to the portrayal of the close-knit Reagan clan on Blue Bloods, whose weekly Sunday dinners were Mary’s favorite part of the show.
“She would often say to me, ‘Mom, let’s do that. I want us, the whole family, to have dinner together like that,’” Liza remembered. “So we would make a ritual of gathering together frequently for those ‘Sunday Dinners’ that didn’t fall necessarily on a Sunday. It became important to our family to share meals together and end with coffee and chit-chat.”
This past summer in the 100-degree Fresno heat, the family gathered several times a week for what her sister Meghan dubbed “Float and Feed!” – swimming before a summer feast, swimming again and then enjoying coffee and chit-chat.
When it got dark cooler and darkness came earlier, Mary would cook barbecued meals on her gas grill under the summer stars.
“It was a beautiful time of shared love, laughter and togetherness that I now hold in my heart,” Liza said. “We created our intimate family of love this summer, making room to welcome Becky and her daughter, Kaili, into our circle. Mary loved our Float and Feeds. She would get so excited every time we got together and before the night ended, she and I would plan another Float and Feed get together in that same week.”
This past fall, Mary had planned to travel to more PBR events, including the PBR Air Force Reserve Cowboys for a Cause aboard the USS Lexington docked in Corpus Christi, Texas, where she’d be honored as a military veteran aboard the famed aircraft carrier.
However, the masses in Mary’s body had stopped responding to chemotherapy and were embedding in her ribs. She was back in the hospital in severe pain.
“I’m a fighter, and I’m trying with everything in me to beat this,” she wrote in a text to the PBR PR team arranging her VIP spot. “I hope to be on that ship! My PBR family means the world to me.”
Unfortunately, Mary remained hospitalized and could not make the special team event launching PBR’s new charitable initiative that raised $250,000 for military causes.
In a few weeks, she would return home for her remaining days with close family, surrounded by their laughter, jokes, stories and gossip, sometimes dozing off and startling them by interjecting a funny comment, and later falling into a deep sleep next to her mother.
“Tonight as I laid in bed with Mary, her deep breathing and low key snoring put me to sleep,” Liza wrote on CaringBridge around Christmas. “We both woke up a little while later because of my snoring – the Mom-Daughter sleeping duo in action! It was a funny and wonderful moment to wake up beside Mary, both of us, at first, wondering how we woke up. And later realizing we had both been in synchronized sleep.”
Most fans first learned of Mary’s fight, which would include multiple surgeries to remove two ribs, her gallbladder, parts of her small intestines, stomach, pancreas, and liver, through her relationship with bull stock contactors Kenny and Cristy McElroy.
As first reported here by Justin Felisko, Apper, a fan of the PBR since 1996, met the McElroys and their bulls, including her personal favorite, Big Black, when she visited K-Bar-C Bucking Bulls ranch in early 2019 as part of the PBR’s Premier Experiences tour in Ohio while she was in the state to receive treatment for her cancer.
Apper was especially excited to meet Cristy, who she’d gotten to know on social media, and of course that big beautiful black bucking bovine.
Yet she unexpectedly made a special connection with another bull – Mind Freak.
“Then the more she was here, the more she kind of took to Mind Freak,” Kenny told Felisko. “She had that sparkle in her eyes. It is kind of crazy because Mind Freak took to her, and he is kind of the same way. He is real personable, and you can love on him. He took to her real quick. I think she fell in love with him here.”
A few days later, Apper sent a message to Cristy, admitting “a bull crush” on Mind Freak.
The McElroys already had developed a special level of empathy for Apper. Kenny had survived a huge cancer scare in 2012, successfully battling the pernicious disease after nine inches of his colon and 25 surrounding lymph nodes were removed. He’s been cancer-free since then.
The family talked about their new friend amid a tough physical and emotional battle, and they hatched an idea.
They remembered Apper saying that when she had the means to do so, she hoped to own a bucking bull.
At the same time, Kenny remembered how his bulls inspired him during his battle, helping him stay positive and productive during difficult days.
Mary would attain that wish. K-Bar-C Bucking Bulls renamed the bull she had taken a shine to as Apper’s Mind Freak.
“I have gone through the same thing she is going through, and I know how hard it is,” Kenny said at the time. “With my family and friends – these bulls helped me the most. I know if Mary had something like this, she can stay positive and have something to look forward to.”
Kenny’s deep respect for the military – his father served in Vietnam and his grandfather in WWII – also influenced the decision.
Apper joined the U.S. Navy in 2006 and, at the time of her medical retirement in 2017, was a Damage Control Petty Officer First Class.
She had been deployed five times, four of which came aboard the USS Chafee (DDG-90) and once on the ground in Afghanistan.
According to the McElroys, Apper had received numerous awards for her service, including the National Defense Service Medal, Army Commendation Medal, Afghanistan Campaign Medal, Navy Accommodation Medal (four times), NATO ISAF Medal and Expert Marksmanship Medals for both the pistol and rifle.
Mary Apper’s sense of service at the center of her moral compass would intersect with the sport she loved and the fellow fans she grew close to.
In the 2019 season, Mary’s path crossed with another PBR superfan, Tony Nevarez, who is a popular fixture at PBR events along with his mom Sonni. The two have attended nearly 50 PBR events. Tony, who has cerebral palsy, always brought his prized possession, an American flag covered with the signatures of dozens of PBR riders.
In May, mother and son were on the way from their home in San Diego to the Ty Murray Invitational in Albuquerque. The signed flag was on Tony’s wheelchair in the back of Sonni’s Ford truck. Somewhere along the way, the flag blew out the back window.
By the time Tony and Sonni discovered the flag was missing, it was too late. The story made the news in New Mexico, but the flag was never found.
Mary Apper heard about this. She was not one to be given bad news and let it sit. She made plans for her US Navy retirement flag to be given to Tony on his 30th birthday during a special presentation in the Honda Center when PBR visited Anaheim.
Since then, Tony had been taking the new flag to every PBR event including World Finals in AT&T Stadium, keeping it on his lap.
Sonni still chuckles at the memory of decorated military warrior Apper turned shy and star-struck at the PBR Heroes & Legends dinner in South Point Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas, holding a white leather riding glove, wondering how to get PBR World Champion Chris Shivers to sign it.
“She was so nervous to ask him; she couldn’t get up the courage,” Sonni remembers. “Cody Nance was there, so we had Cody take her. She was absolutely tickled.”
If the measure of a person’s life is their impact on others in their allotted time, Mary has done very well.
“Mary Apper was sent to cross our paths, I believe, and remind us all to never give up, don’t lose hope, live for each second of time,” said Karrie Martin Eiden, a PBR fan from Mesa, Ariz. “She taught us yesterday is not a do-over, tomorrow is not a guarantee, and today is to be celebrated.
“Mary’s message was to love with a passion, to help others when needed, to support those you care about, to fight for what is right. These are all the reasons we love Mary, and we are thankful to have had the honor of having her cross our path.”
Fans will continue to see Apper’s Mind Freak compete in 2021 as PBR’s premier series begins the season tomorrow night in Ocala, Florida, starting a swing through outdoor rodeo arenas across the south to keep bucking during the pandemic.
And in memory of their dear friend, to ensure Mary Apper will never be forgotten, Kenny and Christy McElroy have also given the son of Apper’s Mind Freak a new name.
The bull is now known as Apper’s Legacy.